How to handle our children's tantrums?

When we are shopping or we find ourselves in a situation where we must deny something to our son or daughter, it will surely be common to encounter tantrums. These are those "shows" they do to show they don't agree with a decision you made, usually when you said no to one of their requests.

According to a study by the National Association of School Psychologists (USA), these usually occur between 12 to 15 months, increase between 18 and 36 months and continue well into their fourth year. They are completely common, as it is the way they find to express a feeling that overcomes them. This is why we have some tips for you to put into practice when living this situation with your children.

Neither always "yes", or always "no".

When we always say yes to our children, even in situations where we know they do not deserve it or that it will be harmful, they will begin to understand that they will always win, and this will not serve them when they say no, nor for how they are going to face life. On the other hand, always saying no is not good either. Studies say that having a balance between the two creates a healthy parent-child relationship.

Children can become desensitized to the word "no" if they hear it too often. The best thing to do, she explains, is to use "short, pithy sentences that explain why your child shouldn't do something." For example, if your older child wants to spend all his or her money on candy, you might say, "I suggest you save some of your money for something better."

Stay calm

You know that if you get angry, everything will be worse. Your son or daughter always needs an example, and if you stay calm you will be teaching them that problems are solved this way, with a cool head and patience.

Talk to him/her

Active listening is key to solving problems. Bend down, get down to their level and show them that you want to understand them. Ask them to talk to you in a way that you can understand their needs so you can come up with a solution together. In this way your child will learn to communicate in an assertive way and manage their emotions, which they need to learn to put into practice when they have problems throughout their life.

Offer an alternative

What for you is a simple and silly tantrum, for them is a very big problem that they can't see a way out of. Offer them a solution other than indulging their whim, for example 'I can't buy you that toy now, but we can play a really fun game at the park'. This way they will learn that life works that way, sometimes we don't have what we want but there are always options.

Hug him

This simple act will bring reassurance, comfort and empathy. This way you make him or her understand that you understand their anger and share their concern, and teach them that everything works out the way they did: by talking with patience and love.

Reflect

When he or she is completely over it and you're on to the next activity, take a moment with him or her to reflect. You can go over the emotions he or she felt and why it happened. You will be surprised to see how your child is able to have a fairly reasoned conversation, and finally understand your reasons why you could not attend to his or her whim in the middle of a tantrum.

By doing everything for our children or ignoring their feelings, we unwittingly hinder their ability to help themselves and learn about the importance of knowing their emotions, manage them and communicate them from patience and love.